As we come off of a disappointing weekend for Louisiana football, with heartbreaking overtime losses by both our LSU Tigers and New Orleans Saints, it is natural to look for answers or to want to place blame on someone. The back-to-back defeats were tough to take in such a short time span – former LSU player T-Bob Hebert took to Twitter to declare that November 10 would be remembered as “Black Monday” for fans of both LSU and the Saints – and everyone wants to blame players or coaches or refs.
I’m not a football expert. I’m an LSU and Saints fan, which means I’m terribly optimistic, abundantly passionate, slightly melodramatic and ridiculously superstitious. And I’m telling you right now, both of your teams don’t lose in overtime in less than 24 hours without that being some sort of a sign from our great football overlords.
I know you’ve all been thinking it, but I’ll come out and say it — SOMEONE in our fandom has a Jinx.
Heartbreaking, right? To be the fan who jinxed our team? Unforgivable.
We must move quickly to contain the Jinx, lest it spread and cause more heartbreaking losses. And, so, I present to you a three step guide for un-jinxing our teams. Don’t laugh – you could be the Jinx. I could be the Jinx. We all could be the Jinx.
This is serious business.
STEP ONE: INVESTIGATION
It’s important to trace all of your steps from this weekend of football losses. Did you watch the game at a new location? Did you wear a new outfit? If you wore a previously worn shirt, has it ever been worn during a loss?
What about your game watching companions? Were they different this week? Did anyone seem to be bad luck? Was everyone full of energy? Were there new, potentially Jinx-ish folks at your tailgate? Did you eat something different? Change your brand of beer or bourbon?
Think critically here. Leave no stone unturned. Something as small as a new t-shirt could have sent our fandom spiraling into a state of chaos. If you can’t find the source of the Jinx in your Gameday activities, think back to earlier in the week. Did you accidentally wear the opposing team’s colors? (Les Miles would not be pleased.)
STEP TWO: ATONEMENT
Hopefully your thorough investigation uncovered the source (or sources) of your Jinx. To reconcile with the fandom, there’s only one thing to do: BURN IT ALL.
Just kidding. You don’t have to set fire to buildings or your friends. That would be a crime and we don’t commit crimes in the name of the Fandom. You only need to burn the clothes you were wearing. (I’m not a maniac.)
Sure, you could just not wear the unlucky shirt, but what if its Jinx rubs off onto your lucky shirt? What if you accidentally put it on? What if someone else in your household accidentally wears it?
Death by fire is the only way to guarantee that unlucky clothes don’t spoil the rest of your wardrobe. You’ll thank me later.
Places are easier – just don’t watch the game at venues you’ve discovered are unlucky for you. And remember, one place could be lucky for one fan and jinxed for another. We don’t know why. It’s the mystery of fandom.
People are a little more complicated. “But I want to watch the football game with my husband,” you’ll say. “My grandma isn’t bad luck,” you’ll protest.
I’m not saying that your spouse or child or coworker is a bad person you should cut out of your life just because we didn’t beat Alabama while you were sitting next to them. I’m sure your friends and family are all lovely people. But if something in your football energy is incompatible with something in their football energy, you should stay away from them on Game Day.
Do it for the team!
We’re counting on you.
STEP THREE: MOBILIZATION
Now that you’ve removed yourself from areas of bad luck, surrounded yourself with people of compatible fervor and disposed of items of potential Jinx-ing, it’s time for the final, and most important, part of the De-Jinxing. You need to make a Grand Gesture of Fandom to let all who doubt know that you love your team(s). It’s time to mobilize, to rally, to spring into action.
You could sacrifice the opposing team’s mascot to the Football Overlords, but this weekend that would be tricky. A razorback is really just a wild pig, so a cochon de lait covers you for LSU vs. Arkansas. But the Saints play a team with a Tiger mascot, and no one’s holding a Mike the Tiger de lait. (See above, re: crime.)
Light some good luck candles, hang up a new flag, put on a gumbo, paint your entire body, drive to Arkansas to scream as loudly as you can in person, change your ringtone to “Hey Fighting Tiger,” make your profile picture you celebrating a big win, send the players tweets of support, get a fleur de lis tattoo, only wear purple/gold/black for the rest of the week, listen to “All I Do Is Win” on repeat, attend daily Mass (whether you are Catholic or not), eat only pig-related products, go to the Les Miles Radio show with signs of encouragement, go see the Golden Band from Tigerland at Tigerama, make a Saints Game Day costume, get into a good jog while listening to “Eye of the Tiger,” channel your inner Drew Brees and “Finish Strong” all week, channel your inner Rob Ryan and eat a poboy while letting your hair flow free, channel your inner Les Miles by ignoring all timepieces.
Whatever it takes.
Do something to let your love of our team shine through all that you do so that those who doubt will know that you are a fan, forever and always, of our beloved LSU Tigers and New Orleans Saints.
We have until the weekend to rid our fandom of the Jinx.
Let’s do this.